Dealing with first night anxiety

As the formalities of the wedding ceremony and reception nears an end, the anticipation of the wedding night builds for the newlyweds. The friendly banter and the innuendos by friends and relatives add on to it. It is assumed that all newlyweds look forward to this night of union.

Though for some, the thought of consummating the marriage brings on anxiety.

Anxiety can be on various levels for both men as well as women. It can range from questions like,“Can I satisfy my spouse?” to “What will she/he think of me?” to “what exactly am I supposed to do?” to as simple as “will it hurt?”

Anxiety can stem from a number of factors like self–doubt, fears, misconceptions, unawareness, lack of information as well as unrealistic expectations. There are simple ways to deal with it:

• Start with setting aside some alone time to tackle this issue head-on. Ignoring it or pretending that it is not important will not make it go away.
• Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself what exactly is making you anxious. Is it the idea of sex or the act in itself? Is it your inhibitions and shyness? Is it self-doubt? Is it that you are afraid of it? Or do you feel it is an act establishing approval or accomplishment?
• Talk to your friend or close ones. Tell them about what is making you anxious. You may get their perspective as well as suggestions on how to handle the anxiety.
• Get proper information about what to expect, especially if you haven’t been involved in a sexual relationship before. Clear your doubts and become aware of what you can expect.
• Talk to your partner. Though today’s generation doesn’t blink twice at the mention premarital sex, there are couples who prefer to consummate their relationship after they get married. Talk to each other about what you expect the first night to be like. Talk even about birth control methods. Try to be open and confide about what you are looking forward to and what you are apprehensive about. This won’t just make you aware about each other, but will also help your partner to be sensitive to your needs and vice versa.
• Try not to get bogged down by expectations – internal or external. Remember that the first night is not about proving yourself. Especially for men. This has nothing to do with proving your manhood. Don’t get trapped in that cycle.
• Relax. Remember that you have the rest of your married lives to find out more about each other at every level – mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and sexually. It is not necessary you consummate your marriage on the first night itself. That is an expected notion. It doesn’t have to be your notion. Though do remember to communicate your thoughts to your spouse and be open to their thoughts as well.
• Undergoing premarital sex counselling also helps in reducing the anxiety and in understanding yourself better. You can be assured that your fears and anxieties will be addressed to in a professional manner, providing you with the insight you require.

It becomes easier to deal with the anxiety when you understand that the marriage is not just about the first night, it is about everything that follows after. It is not just about creating a memorable night; it is about creating a memorable life together.

Read: Revealed – the average size of the Indian penis!

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