Q: Hi. I am a 26-year-old girl and I’m a little fat. I heard that obesity can affect a man’s sex life by giving him erectile dysfunction. I also don’t feel like having sex. Is it because I am fat?  

The direct relationship between obesity and sexual dysfunction in men particularly erectile dysfunction (ED) or impotence is definitely more documented and talked about but obese women too face their share of sex-related issues. The most specific reason is hormonal imbalance which is caused due to excess fat in the body. It leads to more sex hormone binding globulins (SHBG) in the system which binds to testosterone (which is responsible for sexual arousal), thus inhibiting normal sexual desire or libido.

 Along with that, obesity can lead to various body image issues which make coitus an uncomfortable proposition. And lastly, though we like to pretend otherwise at times, we live in an anti-fat bias society which assumes fat people are slow, lazy, dumb and unattractive (even though that’s not the case most of the time) and this makes it harder for obese women to find partners. Along with these issues, there’s the unforgiving truth that many sexual positions might not be feasible if one is extremely rotund.  

 Other than sex-related issues, there’s also evidence to suggest that obese women are likelier to have abnormalities in their eggs which makes it harder for them to give birth. They are also likely to suffer from failed pregnancies and miscarriages than regular people and in young girls it can lead to thyroid problems and PCOD.

Both men and women are also susceptible to the various obesity-related diseases like diabetes, heart disease and hypertension.  However, the bright side is that losing weight is not a hard task. One can improve their sex life and overall health and confidence by just losing a few founds. What people forget is that the entire situation is in their own hand; they’re in control of their weight. All it takes is a little dedication and motivation. Read how losing weight can improve your sex life and also other reasons for low libido in women. 

Delayed or retarded ejaculation is a rare male problem; the far more common issue is premature ejaculation, where men ejaculate too soon. According to sexual health physician and medical sex therapist Dr Vijaysarathi Ramanthan, ‘A delayed ejaculation is when a person has a normal erection but cannot get to a ‘point of inevitability’ (i.e. he cannot not stop ejaculation happening). Long-time masturbators would have developed different points of climax and different source of stimuli (e.g. viewing images on the internet of a girl in a micro bikini on a beach). If this is the case, then it is hard to get that point of climax with sexual intercourse with a real person.’ 

Scientists have found various different causes for the problem – psychological and physiological. Sometimes it’s caused due to various ailments like hypogonadism (decreased functioning of sexual organs), thyroid-related problems or due to prostate surgery. It’s also common among substance abusers like alcoholics and drug users. Some medications like medicine for hypertension and drugs for psychosis can cause this problem too.

Some additional factors which can cause delayed ejaculation include psychological reasons, insufficient sleep, distraction during sex, stress, anxiety, guilt and relationship issues.

Another common reason is frequent masturbation. Sexual arousal is dependent on many things, particularly how the brain reacts to situations. Sexual intercourse and artificial stimulation due to masturbation are very different, particularly the grip and pressure and getting used to masturbation can be bad for actual intercourse.

Now unless delayed ejaculation is being caused due to physiological reasons, there are two simple solutions. One solution is to stop masturbating for a while and see if the problem persists. Another solution is the following sex therapy.

 First, the male partner has to masturbate in front of his partner. The next step involves the woman stimulating the male partner’s penis. The final step involves inserting the male partner’s penis into the vagina a little while before he is about to ejaculate.

In most cases, this simple procedure is known to solve the problem and in time he should be able to climax normally during sex. If this therapy doesn’t help, one should consult a sex therapist or expert. 

Sex exercises for women

Skipping 

If you’re stressed the last thing you want is sex. Doing cardio-based activities will pump you full of endorphins and improve your mood though. In turn this will make you want it more and will give your sex drive a boost.

Method: wear a sports bra, aim for about 70-80 skips a minute at first. To tone your abs do a running skip by bringing your knees up in a high march as you jump, alternating each leg between skips. 

Upavistha Konasana

Are you satisfied in bed? Most women aren’t. If you want to orgasm more then you should try and increase the blood flow to the pelvis with this fab yoga move.

Method: Sit on the floor with your legs wide. Keep your toes and knees pointing straight up.  Lean your upper body forward as far as it goes comfortably. Hold for five to 10 deep breaths.

 The plank

Is this another exotic position? Nope. Fact is most women hate crazy positions because for most of us our bodies jiggle and wiggle involuntarily.  The plank, though, helps tone up these wobbly areas and makes you more confident trying new things in bed.  

Method: lie face down, push up and hold your body off the ground using your toes and forearms for support. Keep your back straight. Hold for 30-60 seconds and do daily.

Pelvic floor muscles

They don’t sound pretty, but pelvic floor exercises are worth doing. Doing pelvic floor exercises regularly will make you more sensitive and they can give you stronger orgasms. Plus you can do them anywhere – at your desk, on the bus, in the shower.

Method: imagine you are urinating and then try to stop the flow. Repeat this hold, squeeze, and release cycle 10 times. Try to hold each for 10 seconds.

Bow bend

We’ve all seen that insanely good yoga whizz and we’ve all probably had the same thought: I bet they’re great in bed. Getting more flexible will enable you to do more positions and allow for deeper penetration, which will make sex better for both you and your guy.

Method: lie on your stomach and take your heels as close to your butt as you can, then take your hands behind and hold your ankles. Keep your knees hip width apart. 

Sex exercises for men

Hip Lunges

Every man must learn how to thrust, and thrust well. Hip lunges work the hips and will give you the perfect power force you need to please your girl.

Method: Place one foot forward, so that your feet are about a metre apart and your knees are slightly bent. Push your pelvis forward. Hold this position for 30 seconds making sure you feel a stretch.

Interval running

If the flesh around your pubic bone is padded with too much fat it will make your penis look smaller and make it more difficult to penetrate your girl deeply.

Method: find a hill and sprint up it, then walk back down for recovery. Beginners aim for 10 x 45 seconds uphill running whilst advanced runners should aim for 15 to 20 x 60 seconds uphill running.

 Kegels

Did you think kegels were just for the girls? Think again boys. Kegels can make you last longer, be harder and they give you more control over your ejaculations.  

Method: imagine you are urinating and then try to stop the flow. Repeat this squeeze, hold, release cycle 10 times, trying to hold for 10 seconds per squeeze. 

Upper body workout

Has your girl ever complained that you’re squashing her when you’re in bed? If so, it’s probably time you worked on your upper body strength.

Method: to build strength in your upper arms do several sets of different exercises. A good group to try is: 12 x tricep dips, 12 x box press-ups and 12 x pull-ups. Repeat this three times.

Football

Love the beautiful game? So does your libido. Football boosts testosterone levels, which in turn gives your sex drive a boost.

Method: we don’t need to tell you how to play football, but one tip we do have is to try and play in front of your home crowd. Research has found men’s testosterone is higher for home games.

Also read: Five shocking sex facts

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Content courtesy: Realbuzz.com

Q: I have a serious problem where I am unable to sleep without masturbating every night. I feel my penis is very small and I ejaculate even if someone touches it. Is this normal? I also want to know, will masturbation affect my married life and my chances of being a father in the future? I don’t smoke or drink. Please help me out.

Answered by Sexual Health Physician & Medical Sex Therapist Dr Vijaysarathi Ramanthan 

It is true that the chemicals released during masturbation (or any sexual activity) could make you relax. But, you have programmed your brain in a such a way that you can only sleep after masturbating and now you are feeling that you can’t sleep without doing it. However this is NOT a serious problem as there are ways to revert brain programming (behaviour re-modification) by scientific methods. Also please don’t jump to conclusions about your penis size without knowing what the average penis size is for Indians.

Sometimes the length is normal but it appears smaller for various reasons (for example, if you have a big belly). Premature/quick ejaculation could be due a number of reasons but mainly due to anxiety. This too can be managed through some behavioural techniques and medications if necessary. Read this article for more tips to beat premature ejaculation. Also I can assure you that masturbating won’t affect your ability to bear children in any way. Read more about the health benefits of masturbation here. If you have any sex-related queries you can contact me on my website. 

Sara and John have been married for five years and are deeply in love. However, whenever they have sexual activity they always end up arguing. If John touches Sara’s waist, she pushes his hand away and tells him not to touch her fat. Sara prefers to keep her shirt on, even if the lights are off, and she always tells John to keep his eyes closed.  John constantly tells Sara she is beautiful and how much he is attracted to her, but it never seems to help the situation and alleviate her anxiety.  

Today, it’s hard to feel beautiful, and for many women feeling beautiful and feeling sexy go hand-in-hand. The culture we live in makes it difficult for women to feel adequate physically, as everywhere you look—the movies, magazines, billboards- there are images of women that are unrealistic to attain. In many cases the images are photoshopped to make the woman’s body look even more ‘perfected’ than it does in reality, but the knowledge that it’s photoshopped doesn’t curtail its dramatic impact.  Consequently, many women walk around with a negative body image and feel like they aren’t perfect enough to be beautiful and for many, this translates into insecurity in the bedroom.

What Does Body Image Have To Do With Sex?

Body image is essentially the way you view your body; self-image is the way you view yourself as a person. For many women, the two go hand-in-hand and easily feed off of each other. A woman could be super accomplished professionally, have many friends, be in a committed healthy relationship with a man who finds her attractive; yet, she sees herself as not good enough because her stomach seems too flabby to her. Or she doesn’t like her nose. Or thinks her hips are too big.  In other words, her belief of ‘my body isn’t good enough’ becomes ‘I am not good enough’; it’s almost as if nothing else about her matters.

 A healthy body image is one where you have a sense of acceptance with your body, you don’t measure your self-worth based on your body, and most of all, and you can feel comfortable in your own skin.  When a woman looks at her body and only sees flaws, she may not only feel bad about her physical identity, but about the kind of happiness she deserves in life, e.g. whether she is worthy of being loved by a partner.

A strong component of sexual satisfaction is being comfortable in one’s skin. If a woman is convinced that she is unattractive, it will be difficult for her to present and she will not be able to fully enjoy the sexual experience. Moreover, she may feel inhibited in having sexual needs. She may think to herself, ‘How can I seek or experience pleasure when I look like this?’  She may be passive and focus on her partner’s pleasure instead of her own, and she may be hesitant to initiate sexual activity.  

As seen in the above case of Sara and John, Sara was unwilling to be fully naked with John and it clearly was affecting their sexual dynamics. Sara evidently viewed her body with disgust, and her unwillingness to be relaxed with John is a manifestation of her conviction that he would be disgusted too.  Obviously that thought is divorced from reality, as John always told her how much he was into her, but that wasn’t enough to challenge her deep-seeded feelings of inadequacy.  

What Can I Do To Improve My Body Image?

If you find it hard to drop your conditions for considering yourself beautiful and sexy, try to pretend for a moment that you’ve already met those conditions and you are perfect exactly the way you are. Bask in that confidence and the permission to feel comfortable with your body just the way it is. Does it feel wrong? Unjustified? Arrogant?

 See what comes up for you. For some women, doing this exercise allows them to identify messages about their body that they received from family members, relationship partners, or society in general. It can help clarify personal core beliefs about what is beautiful, sexy, and who decides. And most importantly, it is a powerful reminder that negative body beliefs can shift when you are willing to challenge your mind-set and the mirror.

Try this exercise:  Stand in front of the mirror (or if you’re not comfortable with that, sit in a comfortable position). Pick a body part you don’t like and try to think for a few moments about positive things about that body part. For example; if you don’t like your butt, concentrate on thinking about positive things your butt does for you, such as providing a cushion to sit.  Focus on that feeling of gratitude and remind yourself that you are more than just your body.

Developing a healthy body image is no easy feat, but if you can practice gentleness with yourself and surround yourself with positive messages, you will become more comfortable in your own skin. 

What is the clitoris?

The clitoris is a small, very sensitive organ located at the top of the genital cleft where the inner labia meet, surrounded by the vulva. It’s really quite easy to spot because while the vulva is soft and spongy, it is harder. In some ways, it’s analogous to the male penis – when a woman gets aroused, it fills up with blood and expands (not as much as a penis obviously). It is also the only known organ that’s just there for sexual pleasure! A lot of women (the jury is still out on how many) can only experience orgasms through clitoral stimulation. Here are some things every man and woman should know about the organ that a dialogue from The Vagina Monologues considered ‘a semi-automatic’:

It’s very sensitive!

While the penis (which is considerably bigger) has only 4000 nerve endings, the clitoris has a staggering 8000 nerve endings and they are also linked to nerve endings in a woman’s pelvic area thus affecting a total of 15,000 nerve endings which makes this tiny organ extremely powerful and sensitive.

It keeps getting bigger and bigger

The clitoris can come in a variety of shapes and sizes but sometimes it can actually be very big. Most normal women have a clitoral length of 4-5 mm and cross-width of 3-4 mm. However, it keeps on growing throughout a woman’s lifetime and by the time she is 30, it’ll usually be four times bigger than it was during puberty! It still is very small though and hardly noticeable but it might explain why a lot of older women claim to have superior orgasms!  

Some women on the other hand, suffer from a condition called Clitoromegaly and the largest one is supposed to be eight inches! It also grows in women who have taken anabolic steroids like female bodybuilders or athletes and they usually also have more man-like appearances.

In some ways it’s like the penis

There are some remarkable similarities between the two.In fact, upon conception, they look exactly similar. It’s only after 12 weeks that a penis and labia start to look different. Even in adulthood they have a similar structure. The hood is similar to the foreskin; it has a glans and even become erect when aroused (not to the same extent).

It’s like the tip of the iceberg

Only one quarter of the clitoris is visible and the rest of it is inside the body. It contains various parts like the clitoral head, the hood of the clitoral shaft, the urethral sponge, erectile tissue, glands, vestibular bulbs and the crura (clitoral legs). Of these, only the head and the hood are located outside the body.

It’s all about sex

While we have a number of different organs which are linked to arousal, the clitoris seems to be the only one which is just about sex! Think about it – both the penis and vagina are there for peeing and childbirth respectively, while the breasts produce milk after childbirth but clitoris only has one purpose – to give you pleasure.

Some women get it operated upon

Like penis enlargement, clitoral enlargement has gained recent popularity because of its potential to increase pleasure. There’s also a procedure known as clitoral unhooding which looks to remove excess tissue. There’s one popular surgery in the States called ‘vagina rejuvenation’ which tightens up the vagina in older women but there are a lot of risks involved with this like scarring or infection.

All in all, the Clitoral Awareness Week seems like a great idea particularly because it comes in the middle of National Masturbation Awareness month. The clitoris is the most powerful symbol of female sexuality and an organ that’s often forgotten by most men while having intercourse. We hope that this awareness drive can change that and men concentrate on satisfying their partners better without worrying about the length and size of their penis. 

The ladies’ guide to looking good during sex

Sometimes, no matter how much your man showers you with compliments and drools over your naked body, you just can’t seem to enjoy sexy time when you’re having a body conscious day. Don’t let how you feel about your body turn it into a no-sex night; switch the lights back on and use this intimate guide to sex positions to conquer your body blues.

Sex position to disguise a bloated stomach: Doggy style

The bloated tummy is perhaps one of the most common body hang-ups that women encounter when it comes to sex. The chances are, your lover hasn’t even noticed that your stomach is slightly bloated. If it’s really putting you off though, the doggy style is a good position for disguising it. There are two ways of going about this position; either lie flat on your stomach and let him enter you from a higher angle, or get down on all fours with your man positioned behind you. You can easily adjust the angle to reach your hotspot.

 Sex position to disguise jiggly boobs: Reverse cowgirl

Most men love the bouncing boob action when you’re having sex – they find it a real turn-on! Sometimes, though, we worry about big boobs getting in the way or looking too saggy, which makes us lack confidence between the sheets. For the days when you just can’t learn to love your lady lumps, try the reverse cowgirl. Sit on top of your man as if you’re about to do the classic cowgirl position, but spin around so you’re facing away from him. Make the most of this position because it allows you to be in full control; you can go as deep and penetrative or soft and gentle as you like.

Sex position for small boobs: Spooning

Moving from one worry to the polar opposite, some ladies would do anything for bigger breasts and feel they need to hide them away during sex by wearing a bra. This only decreases your sexual pleasure though. Indeed, sex author Debby Herbenick says that exposing your breasts ‘boosts your comfort level during sex, helping you orgasm more often’. Instead of hiding your boobs, use them to enhance your sexual pleasure. If you’re really not basking in body bravado today, lie on your side and ask him to lie behind you and enter you from the spooning position. You don’t need to lose out on the sexual pleasure of your breasts; he can caress your boobs and other intimate regions from behind you.

Sex position for between waxes: Over the top rush

Having pubic hair in your sexy regions can make you self-conscious if you like it to be smooth and silky.  To combat this problem, try the ‘over the top rush’ position. This involves your man lying on his back with his torso hanging off the edge of the bed and his arms over his head relaxing on the floor. You mount him in a sitting position with your knees bent towards your chest, and hold onto his sides to keep you steady. The possibilities are endless with this position; spin around and do the reverse cowgirl, thrust up and down, or sway your hips from side to side to rub your G-spot.

Sex position to disguise big thighs: On his lap

This is a great one if you’re looking to hide your thighs or your bum and it’s great for showing off your boobs too. Sit on his lap and put your arms around his neck to steady yourself. This position allows him to caress your breasts and other frontal hotspots and you can control the pressure and the direction to reach the area that feels best. For deeper penetration, try leaning back and putting your arms out to support you, then rock back and forth. This position allows you to enjoy deep, penetrative sex while you’re intimately cuddled up face-to-face (or boob-to-face) with your guy.

Sex position for bum issues: The hot hula

Feeling like your bum’s a bit flat? Or too big? The hot hula position is great for hiding your bum when you’re having one of those days because it’s nowhere in his sight. Mount him in the missionary position, put your hands and knees on either side of his torso and then gently swivel your hips back and forth and side to side. These slow, controlled motions allow you to position his manhood exactly where you want it – this is the perfect position for locating your G-spot. Have a long session of slow, intimate sex or vary between gentle movements and some upwards and downwards thrusts.

Sex position to disguise your legs: The intimate tree hug

Hairy legs, cellulite, bruises, chipped toe nail varnish… whatever reason you have for wanting to hide your legs or feet, we’ve got a position for you. Ask your man to stand up with his feet approximately one shoulder width apart and his knees slightly bent. Put your arms around his neck and jump onto him, wrapping your legs tightly around his waist (as if you were climbing a tree). He can support you with his hands on your bum and lower back and if extra support is needed he can stand against the wall.

 Sex position to disguise your arms: Sockets

Whether it’s bingo wings or dry skin you’re worried about on your arms, this position has you covered. Start off by lying on your back with your legs spread and your knees bent. Next, ask your partner to lie on his side facing you and to place his leg over yours (if he’s lying on his right hand side, he can slide his right leg under your left leg and vice versa). Gently guide his manhood down and put it inside you before using your legs to thrust forwards and backwards in a rocking motion. As your man will be on his side and you will be using your arms to steady yourself, he won’t be able to get a good view of them. 

Sex position for excess skin: Standing up

If you’ve lost a lot of weight, excess skin can make you feel self-conscious; don’t let this be a lust-buster though. Standing up positions are great for if you have excess skin because a good posture will flatter your body and make your skin look more taut. Pick your favourite standing up sex position and enjoy! 

Sex position for when you just don’t feel pretty: The sure fire

Some days we have a breakout of spots and we just don’t feel pretty. On these days, coming face to face in an intimate embrace with your partner can make you feel self-conscious. While your partner is no doubt attracted to you however you look, you can try a position where you aren’t looking at each other’s faces so closely to make you feel more confident. Ask him to lie on his back with one leg stretched out and the other bent. Straddle his bent leg so you are facing sideways and lower yourself onto him. You can rock back and forth or move up and down – find a position where it feels great for you both.

Also read Top Sex Positions: Standing, Missionary, Rear Entry, Spooning and Woman on Top

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Content courtesy: Realbuzz.com

Talking to your kids about the birds and the bees is a task most Indian parents may cringe doing. If you are also one amongst them, you should know that it is highly important that your little ones learn about it from you instead of other sources like the media or friends of the same age or pornography. Not only is there a chance that they get wrongly informed; but not being able to share their doubts with you creates an impression that it is a bad thing and should be spoken about only behind closed doors. While it may be a task you wish to avoid, it is essential for them to learn about it. Our sexual health experts Dr Vijayasarathi Ramanathan, Rachel Hercman and Dr Paul Joannides explain the importance of imparting sex education by parents to their kids.

How and when to talk about sex?

So what is the right age to talk to your children about sex? Dr Ramanathan explains that sex education is not just about intercourse. It is also important for children to be aware of their genitals and the importance of intimacy. According to him, when children are 3-4 they start asking questions about their genitals. It’s important that parents answer these questions to the best of their abilities rather than shooing them away. ‘A boy may ask about his genital organ (penis) and why a girl doesn’t have it? Remember, this is just out of curiosity to learn about the difference in body parts. Some adults may interpret this through their adult mind and come to a judgment that the child is sexual at a very early age and may even go the extent of punishing the kid. Remember, it is very normal for kids to ask questions about body parts.’

Tackling questions like these may seem daunting but having a friendly approach will go a long way. Let your kids know that you are open to such questions and you are there to solve any doubts they may have on this topic. Dr Paul provides inputs from his book Guide To Getting It On about how parents can tackle these questions. ‘If a child under the age of five asks, ‘Where do babies come from?’ It’s fine to say that the baby grows in mommy’s uterus and point to your abdomen. But note that that you will be giving a very different answer about intercourse when he or she is 10 or 15. Just because you answered a question when your child was five doesn’t mean you won’t be answering the same question every couple of years, but each time in a slightly different way.’

Dr Ramanathan gives some useful tips to parents:

• Parents could start with very simple topics such as body parts and may be use colloquial terms for male and female genitals. However, sooner than later, it is important to introduce the right terms, for example, ‘penis’ for a boy’s organ and ‘vagina’ for a girl’s.
• Another important topic would be ‘touching genitals’ and when it is appropriate to do so and when is it not. For example, kids could be told that it is okay to touch their genitals when they are in the shower but not in front of others.
• How babies are formed is another favourite question that kids want to ask. Parent could explain something like mummy and daddy had a special cuddle and the baby was formed. While this is fine for a young kid, parents could be a bit more specific for a much older kid/adolescent.
• More importantly, kids should be taught about protecting themselves from others touching their genitals and should be told that they should immediately inform their parents if something like that happens. 

When your kids hit puberty

Puberty can be such a confusing time for a child and it can very frightening if they haven’t been taught about what their body is going through and why. A parent has the potential to ease that anxiety and confusion by being empathetic and if they feel comfortable, even sharing their own experiences with hitting puberty. 

Says Rachel Hercman, ‘A lot of the information about sex that is found in the media is inaccurate, unrealistic, or lacks the proper context to understand sex. When a parent teaches a child about sex, it’s not just about sex itself, it’s also about the values and ethics that come with it.  Things like sex being consensual, that it should be fun, that it’s healthy to have sexual needs—these are important concepts that don’t necessarily come through in the media. Hence the parents play an integral role in discussing sex before the media teaches it to the child differently.’

Your reaction says it all

Lastly, in order for parents to be more open about it, they themselves need to be comfortable with the idea of sex. ‘We send many non-verbal messages, often without realising it, and if a parent is not comfortable talking about sex then the child will get that message regardless of how young he/she is. In cases where the subliminal message is – we don’t talk about that dirty thing – the child probably will never bring it up, or if they do, they will learn from mom/dad’s reaction to never broach it again,’ adds Rachel.

If you fear that educating your child about sex would make them promiscuous, you are very wrong. Research has shown that sex education makes children and adolescents more informed, responsible and safe. So stop being shy and talk to your children, so that they grow to be sexually responsible individuals, capable of making their own decisions.

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Q: Are drugs for sex like Viagra, Manforce, Pengra, etc. harmful for my future sex life? I am a 27-year-old man. During sex I take these medicines which help me last longer. Are these harmful for my body and for my future sex life?

 Ans: All the different tablets mentioned here have the same chemical composition – Manforce and Pengra are actually the desi versions of Viagra, which in turn is the brand name of the generic drug sildenafil. In countries like the US or UK, the drug is only available through prescription but lax laws in India means that it can be easily purchased over-the-counter. One thing you’ve to clearly understand is that Viagra is a drug to beat erectile dysfunction and it’s not an aphrodisiac or libido booster. In simple words, it will only give you an erect penis when you’re aroused. Now the drug is most commonly used by people in their 50s and 60s, those at an age where there heart finds it hard to pump enough blood to the penis to maintain an erection. 

However, recent studies have shown that the recreational use of Viagra has gone up among youngsters. Most doctors recommend that the drug shouldn’t be used like this because one’s body can get dependent on it and you could reach a phase where you will find it hard to get hard without the drug. There are other harmful effects as well. You shouldn’t take the drug if you are taking other medicines which contain nitrates. These are usually used to treat chest pain, hypertension and other such ailments. Some of the other common side-effects are facial flushing, headaches, liver problems, heart attacks (rarely), blurred vision, bluish vision and sensitivity to light.

The most infamous side-effect though is erections which last for four or more hours. Sometimes these erections can be extremely painful as well. If you experience that you should call a physician and visit a hospital immediately. In conclusion you should definitely stop using these drugs; they are not for recreational use or to show off your sexual prowess but an aid for men really suffering from a problem.

 Low libido can be caused by numerous factors:

Hormonal: In some cases, a woman may be experiencing a hormonal imbalance that is affecting her libido. Though puberty and menopause are significant milestones that are marked by dramatic hormonal changes, women are constantly going through hormonal fluctuations throughout their lives.  Testosterone, often associated with male libido, is not only present in women but is essential for female libido and its deficit can translate into lowered or minimal interest in sex.

Medical Conditions: Many diseases and medical conditions can affect libido. Examples of these include hypertension, obesity, cancer, and cardiovascular and neurological conditions.  Leading a sedentary lifestyle, with its many adverse effects on health, can also lower libido.

Medications: While side effects vary from person to person, many medications, including some anti-depressants and anti-anxiety, have side effects that affect your libido.  Oral contraceptives (birth control pills), which essentially manipulate the hormone levels in your body, can also affect your libido.  If you are on any medications and are experiencing low libido, talk to your doctor about your options.  

 Psychological Many psychological conditions can affect libido. Depression, for example, often has a feature called anhedonia, which is the inability to enjoy activities that used to be pleasurable, which can include sex. Drugs and alcohol, though they may enhance one’s mood, can flatten libido. Conditions such as anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder, or even anorexia can certainly contribute to a woman’s libido.  In addition, religious and personal beliefs about sexuality may also play a role in how a woman experiences her libido.

Life Stressors: Sometimes life’s challenges can put sex at the bottom of someone’s list of things to do.  Fatigue and being overwhelmed with responsibilities can make some women feel a very low libido, especially if they are caretakers for others and are always putting others’ needs first. If a relationship with a partner is going through hardship or there is building resentment, that too can contribute to libido.

 The ripple effect of low libido can exceed beyond just the bedroom. Many couples feel physically and emotionally distant when they are not having regular sexual activity, and low libido can compound that by adding distressing feelings for both partners. The woman may feel guilty for being sexually unavailable and may avoid touching her partner altogether out of fear that it will give him the erroneous message that she is interested in having sexual activity.  The man may feel rejected and unloved as the result of his partner not wanting to be sexually connected to him, regardless of her stated feelings of love for him.  The longer a couple gets into a pattern surrounding the women’s low libido, the more it becomes part of their routine- no matter how painful it may be.

Despite the prevalence of libido in women of all ages and the stress it can present in relationships, many women do not get help for the condition. Perhaps they don’t know who to turn to for help.  Or they think it’s ‘all in their head’ and that if they just out their issues on their own then they’ll be ok. For some, the fears and distress in talking about sexuality- especially in the context of having sexual needs- is enough to keep them quiet about the issue.

Fortunately, there is help out there but it is important that a holistic picture of functioning is taken into account.  Find the right specialists in your area who are familiar with sexual health and can assist you examining your medical, psychological and lifestyle issues that may be contributing to your libido.  It may be intimidating to talk about your sexual needs, but getting over that hurdle will enable you to get the appropriate help and hopefully lead you to a satisfying level of sexual functioning.

The author, Rachel Hercman is a is a psychotherapist specializing in sexuality, dating, and relationships.